In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
