Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
