The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
