just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
