Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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