I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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