bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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