Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
