someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
