just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
