I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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