Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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