Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
