No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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