I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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