my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
