Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
