I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
