well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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