I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
