I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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