The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just pynch a tree in the face
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Randomize