Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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