you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
