im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
