I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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