I must be too annoying 4 u.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
