I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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