my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
