I just saw a hot homeless man
love makes seman taste better
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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