we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
