yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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