girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
