I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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