life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
