I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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