Jerry, you need to find god
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
