I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
