i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
