Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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