After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
