He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
