My liver just broke up with me...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
