I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
