Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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