I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
