How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
