Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
