peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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