that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
