I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
