Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
