yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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